Introduction

This is my first post. Please bear with me as I've never had a blog before. I don't really know where to begin. I'm not good with words, and I don't particularly like talking about myself.

On here I go by "blank void", but I have a name, and a face. "Blank void" was created when I wanted to sign up for facebook, without giving my identity. I wished I could just leave the first and last name fields blank and void. But facebook wouldn't let me, and thus "blank void" was created.

Although, as I said, I do have a name, and a face. But I'm afraid people who know me in real life would find me here. My parents, my so-called friends, etc, they may know me in real life, but they have no idea what's really going on. And I have no intentions of letting them find out. They're all a destructive force in my life and telling them will only make matters worse.

Anyway. There really isn't a whole lot about me to tell. I'm a girl. I'm in my 20's. And I'm dying a slow painful death. It's my fault. I knew I should have sought medical treatment a long time ago. But I was scared, and I couldn't trust myself. That's a byproduct of growing up with parents like mine.

Yes, I hate to say this... but I grew up in a dysfunctional family. It's not really a secret, nor is it embarrassing... I'd just hate to be some kind of a cliche sob-story. Yes, so I had a crappy existence. Still do. Yadda yadda yadda. Now that this is out of the way. It really isn't the point, it's just a piece of information that's imperative for the understanding of my posts and where I'm coming from. The point is, I've been trying to do something about it. To change my circumstances, my situation. With all I've got. But I've failed time and time again, and my time is running out. I'm not a victim. I don't want anyone's pity. All I seek is help.

Anyway, my parents have taught me everything I do, or think, or feel, or say, everything I am, is wrong. They've taught me that I was worthless and less than human. It's been a while since I left my parents. But they have hurt me so much, that I've learned not to trust anyone. And sadly enough, so far my distrust in others has only been justified. But this is a long, boring story, and the only moral is that I should have trusted myself on this one before it was too late.

And so I finally went to seek medical help, and was offered the less aggressive, more budget-friendly options. I knew I should have taken aggressive measures from the get-go, but alas, people like me, who have no medical insurance, have no say when it comes to the course of their treatment. So I ended up spending my life savings on medications and procedures that would probably have worked for someone who isn't as far gone as I am. And was left with no money, no results, no progress, no hope, and no time.

There's a medical procedure that can save me. But, I'm about $10,000 short of it, and I have a very limited window of opportunity. So I decided to create this blog and asks strangers for their help. Aptly named "here goes nothing", because I know better than to expect it to actually work. A desperate last resort. I figure, if it doesn't help, at least it won't hurt...

I set up a paypal account, in the unlikely event people would actually donate. I don't expect anything. I know nobody owes me anything, and strangers on the internet have no reason to care. It's okay. But in any case, donations would be truly appreciated. The email is blankvoid0@gmail.com

If this works, I will attempt to pay it all back... even if it takes me the rest of my life. How ironic. A "rest of my life" would be a nice thing to have.

I know what you may think. "Get a job"... I have a job. But I work for room and board. Yearly income: $0. Yes, I know they're exploiting me. Because they know they can treat me as badly as they want. I'm a slave. I have nowhere to go. I can't get disability because I won't be allowed to work, and if I can't work, I'll be in the street. I have no family or friends to take me in. Nothing to fall back on. I was offered another job, but couldn't start because of my condition. So I'm pretty much stuck with this one if I want to have a roof over my head.

My ambulance trips have left me in debt and now I'm ineligible for a loan. I have only one friend. He runs the food bank. He'd get the loan for me, if his credit were any better. But his credit isn't better, so he can't. I have no one else.

My parents have the money. But they'd rather watch me die a slow painful death. So, I didn't even want to ask them for help, to tell them what's going on. But I'm out of options. So I did go and ask them. As expected, they turned me down. That's how bad it is.

I'd go pose for nude photos or donate eggs to earn the money I need for this procedure. I've long since lost any shred of dignity or pride. But my eggs are no good, and I'm nothing to look at. I've sacrificed everything already. And I wouldn't mind the sacrifice, if it weren't for the fact that I have basically sacrificed everything... for nothing. I've exhausted all my resources. I'm not looking for "useful advice", such as, "have you tried this," or "have you tried that," or "maybe you should try ..." I know I have nothing to show for it, but yes, I have tried everything within my means. Nothing worked. So now I have to look outside my means. This is why I need your help.

My friend said that for some people, $10,000 isn't a lot of money. The problem is, I just don't know anyone. Actually, all the people I "know" and am in contact with are on the internet. I'm turning to strangers... because no one else would help.

So here I am, in way over my head, begging for handouts from strangers on the internet. Scared to show my face or my name, so that my parents or my friends wouldn't find out. So that my doctors wouldn't find out. Who knows what they'd do if they knew the rock-bottom I've hit. I can't take the risk that they'd drop me from their care.

I will try to start a facebook group for this. As I said I seriously doubt it would work at all, but even if, it's a lot of money I'm trying to raise here. I wouldn't want anyone to donate more than they can afford to part with. But if I could get 10,000 people who are willing to give up their daily candy bar and help me instead, I'd be ever so grateful...

And yes, I know that on top of being a total stranger you have no reason to care about, no one has a reason to trust me. I may very well be trying to scam people. Trying to make a quick buck. Trying to buy drugs, or whatever. There's no reason to believe anything I've said here is true, and I wouldn't ask you to. I can't prove anything without exposing my identity. I'm not some kind of official charity organization and can't give you a receipt, or count for taxes. I'm no one. And there's nothing I can say or do that would dispute that, it would be futile to try to convince anyone, so I won't bother. I can't tell anyone whether or not to take a leap of faith. I just really, really don't wanna die. As I said... "Here goes nothing".

Again, in the unlikely event anyone would actually like to donate, the paypal is blankvoid0@gmail.com

Either way, thank you for visiting my blog. I guess this is it for the "introduction". I'm really not good at introducing myself. Anything else about my life story you'd like to know, please ask away, I'll do my best to answer as long as I'm not afraid it would compromise my identity.

More random blurbs and ramblings shall follow in future posts. =)

-void